ANSWER: Dear Klowndog420,

Of course, things like this are always the bone. And of course, I am answering this question as a homie, and NOT as an employee of Psychopathic Records (my opinion does not represent the opinion of Psychopathic Records or any of its artists). Much like sharks are attracted to the scent of fresh blood in salt water, greedy and shortsighted hotel managers are often attracted to cash the same way, and will often throw ethics, professionalism,and hospitality out the window when it comes to making a little extra green. While this can definitely cause problems for the unprepared traveler, it is not entirely unexpected. The solution to the problem is not to tell the hotels to “fuck off”, not to threaten them, not to beat their ass, and not to vandalize their hotels… That does absolutely nothing to achieve your goal: finding a cheap and comfortable place to crash at the end of the day. In order to achieve this goal, one must fight fire with fire. Yes, if the hotels are being snakes, the only solutionis to out-snake the snakes. All of us here at Psychopathic Records used to be young, broke-ass ninjas, just like yourself. And through the years with have learned exactly how to deal with such obstacles. First of all, manyof these hotels are scared of Juggalos. They are scared that there will be wild parties, that you will destroy the rooms, tag the halls, and vandalize the establishment. They would much rather rent the room to an ordinary looking guy, like a businessman, someone visiting a relative from out of town, or someone coming to attend a non-Juggalo event. So why not let them do exactly that… sort of. The only way the hotels know you are a Juggalo, is if you tell them. It doesn’t matter if you don’t tell them “Yeah, I am going to the Gathering of the Juggalos”. There are a lot of other things that will tip them off. Not speaking properly on the phone, such as using too much slang and not speaking in complete sentences is a good way to scare the people at the hotel. Always speak clearly, politely, intelligently, and with confidence. You will be surprised how far you can get with people simply by saying a few intelligent and polite words. If they ask you the purpose of your trip, tell them that you are visiting Peoria for a business meeting, or that you are visiting a relative from out of town, or that you are coming to Peoria for another event (make sure you think what you are going to say before hand and check on all the details before hand, so you don’t stumble like a nervous stupid-ass. And make sure your details are correct… if you tell them you are in town for the vacuum cleaner convention, and there is no vacuum cleaner convention happening in Peoria that weekend, thehotel people are going to know you are full of bullshit). You may even ask your parents or an older friend to callfor you. As long as you are using your real name, and real credit card, then what they don’t know won’t hurt them. Your tactics are not over with just yet. It is important to appear normal and respectable when you arrive at the hotel. That means that you can’t walk in posseed up with 20 people, all decked out in full Juggalo gear and multicolored hair, and say “give me the room, ninja!”. Instead, try looking more respectable. Maybe wear a nice pair of dockers, and a button down shirt. Or maybe even a suit and tie, if you can pull the look off. Definitely don’t wear your 2 Dope FUCK OFF shirt. Once again, when you speak to the people at the counter, be polite, intelligent, and confident. Remember, they don’t really have much choice but to take you are your word. If they start turning away people that they suspect of not telling the truth, they are inevitably going to end up turning away many people who ARE telling the truth, and that will piss off a lot of non-juggalos in the process. I am, of course, only giving you a few possibilities on what to do. Other options are camping out, sleeping in your car, rooming with people who live in the area, and many many more that I haven’t listed here. You are Juggalos, not brainwashed robots, and so we naturally assume that you will be able to think for your selves and figure out some of these problems. Remember, getting there is half the fun, and overcoming challenges like this is part of what makes traveling to the Gathering of the Juggalos so entertaining. With a little initiative, confidence,and cunning, you should be able to accomplish anything you set your mind out to do!

Jelly Nuts

P.S. Finally, and this is the most important thing, DON’T FUCK UP THE HOTEL!!! There were many cities that we thought would be cool to have the Gathering at, and the city officials or convention centers gave us the bone. Peoria took abig risk in allowing the Gathering to take place there, and decided to trust Psychopathic Records and the Juggalos. If you want to go to a city, and fuck it up, WHY DO IT TO ONE OF THE CITIES THAT IS ACTUALLY COOL ENOUGH TO SHOW US RESPECT??? If you fuck up the hotel, it is only going to make it more expensive and difficult to stay at a hotel next year (that is, if it doesn’t completely ruin the chances of having a Gathering next year). Also, by destroying a hotel room, you justify all the negative stereotypes that caused the hotel to try to give you the bone in the first place. While there will inevitable be some grumpy people working at the hotels, most hotel employees are just regular people trying to do their job (making your stay comfortable), so give them a break.